Pant on!

jog‘Morning dear, wanna jog?’ These are the words my heart asked my head this morning. My head is obviously the driving force behind my .. well.. good-looking legs. It was just a war of words with the voices in my head contemplating a referendum just because my heart did a rhetoric. Anyway, I love my heart. I don’t know where the ‘I’ part of me or the part that loves, dwells, but whatever. I’ve always wondered why the determination to always do a morning jog has just not been enough to coax my lazy mass from bed every morning for the past week.

But there’s another thing I know. My heart does get the zeal from watching white-blood cells zoom past its arteries all the time chasing diseases and isht. Watching someone do something that you would like to do is such a turn on. From guilty body pleasures to sweating in the hot day sun working for butter and bread, the influence of one’s action on another humanoid is intense to justify my claim. So, on a scale of zero to I-wanna-pee-because-I-just-saw-you-dash-into-the-loos, how effectively does my fake yawn coerce you into foolishly opening your dentures, wide for all and sundry to see, as you stupidly depreciate into a supplier of warm unwelcome morning breath? Yes? Do you know that a narrow mind and a wide mouth go together? Yes you do? Don’t ever yawn! 😀

Don’t ever yawn! 😀

Anyway, a non-writing writer is just a monster courting insanity. That’s why my cursor is doing the jog now while this article is not informative as you may think. Yet it’s one of the most convincing pieces ever. It just convinced me to jump into bed, cuddle my wit and culminate into an intimate poke-caress game with my P.C’s keyboard in one of those i’m-hungry-and-just-here type-aways. I haven’t had anything foody since I woke up, just this food for thought. And so because I missed my early morning work-out and ‘if you don’t work, don’t eat’. Talk of heart punishing head, the mouth is on the head anyways, but wait, is not the tummy nearer to the heart than anyone else?

It’s a free day for me. Not much to do in campus and guess what? I just opened a clip I had secured in my hard disk. It’s just one of those for-future-use thingies you save, that you stumbled upon on the internet while grazing on the pastures on Steve Job’s, Bill Gate’s and Zuckerberg’s side because grass looks greener there. I guess your neurones just woke up and took a jog from their resting caves through your spine to your oxygen-starved brainy white mass in the cranium. For the slow-paced, I mean entirely social media sites and the resources we use to access them. It’s a clip I think might motivate you to jog when your heart wants to but head says no. This kinda conflict should not be allowed because if your heart decides to take the jog anyhow, dude you’re doomed like an upside down penguin.

Here we go:

This’ the clip. You might think they are running but, nope, until you see something chasing them. If so, call the police.

Do you know what that has just done to me? I jogged to the cupboard and grabbed me a remnant burger from jana and the sufuria of popcorns whose aroma screamed ‘i want you to jump on me and eat me ferociously like a tiger in bed eats a deer that just landed into the tiger’s bed’. The motivation was enough to make me jog back to bed and jump onto the clean sheets with a mouth-stuffed sigh of relief. Should I say I haven’t jogged today? I did myself an errand and jogged, yay! Remember,  I don’t run errands. Usually I jog.

Then here is where something just pops into my mind. I presume it’s the pop-corns doing their magic. Who invented jogging? Was it like, ‘Hey, i want to run but then there’s music in my head. So let me dance, no, run, dance, run-dance-run-dance, awesome! I’ve invented a jog?!’ What me wonders is, why not run? Last time I jogged, I  trotted out of my hostel, onto Agony Hill, through Lower State House Road towards State House, hoping to bump into the First Lady doing the same art (working her members into a disciplinary jostle). T’was jus’ 5 days ago but I pictured myself mercilessly reducing myself into a pant that was unproductive in terms of ‘distance, displacement and mobility’ and successfully became demoralized. That was once-upon-a-look-of-disdain. After that, the idea of this post gave me a pat and i spat in the town drains just beside the pavement as last respects to the man who invented jogging.

jog on
It is the idea of running without being chased that instinctively disturbs the lazy me.

Oh, I get it. It had really slipped off my fingers. The inventor, having puffed weed, was prolly being chased by a cop in a car, then he tired and degenerated into a jog? Forgive me, I hadn’t thought of that. Maybe even the cop car was all in his weedy head, then he thought he was running but lo and behold… a jog.

It is the idea of running without being chased that instinctively disturbs the lazy me. By the way, I’m not fat! I just love the goal-setting trait that such a simple deed as a daily morning jog instills into a candy-lover like me. Candies make people lazy because “story for another day”. Even so, you might think I’m so resigned on this joggy antics but fool you, it has only being 5 days that I haven’t done my morning ritual. Before then I observed all my morning physical ordinances complete with the roadside-pee liturgy that served as libation to the ancestors; those who jogged every morning right into their past looking for the end of the world. (Please blame the ‘Gods Must Be Crazy’ movie for this) What? The roadside-pee thingy is disturbing? I’m writer-dog remember. And the kink  is not habitude, it’s second nature, lol.

no… not me. was just saying :D.

What say we now? ‘If it doesn’t sweat, jiggle, or pant, it’s not alive.’ That’s what my first ever jogging partner used to blurt out to surge us on. We’d wake up at 5.30am (better be frank because it’s safe hidden here in these brackets, she did the waking-up while I did the wake-me-up) everyday until one day I played dead in my bed and was ditched for another jogging partner. She’d had enough of my dependency, the ambitious, little hell of a genius. Eventually, not so long after though, she flew to Amsterdam for studies before I’d even revealed that the whole jogging thing was a sham, my heart was not into it but into her. Then I got seriously into jogging as a shoulder to lean on. And here I am, having ceremoniously adhered to my dosage since 3-4 years ago until 5 days ago 😦 . I figure you’ve discovered what I’m up to. This post is just a review to urge me on.

Jogging is very beneficial. It’s good for your legs and your feet. It’s also very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed. Don’t worry that words used to describe runners, like rabbit, cheetah, gazelle etc, can’t be used to describe you. Just a hopeful spirit and you can commence even by waddling like a penguin. In every gym class there’s that one fool-head who thinks he’s in the Olympics. I therefore wouldn’t recommend joining one. You can do a morning jog, anywhere, even on the same spot,  every day to be great. Do you know if it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it? The hard… that makes it great! You have two eyes, and two ears, but only one mouth. This is so because you are supposed to look and listen more than you talk. Then you have two legs. That’s because you’re meant to jog more than you eat. So don’t worry about walking a mile in my shoes, just do a jog.

Pant on!

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