Friday the 31st!

It’s Friday again? Wow! This Friday I shot out of bed like a stray bullet, that is, with no plans and leaving a wake of damage of my bedding. Bits of chicken on the table that I’d left over at supper’s were silently cajoling my heart; you know how convincing a beautiful birdie can give a man ideas. Matter of factly, that was meant to be lunch. Mornings are always a success if I make it to lunch without eating my lunch.

But it’s my morning jog that has made my day.

friYou know, if Google is your doctor’s name, like me, I think it’s time we started getting second opinions. Idiot promised me 10 extra years if i keep to the morning jog liturgy that I’d pledged allegiance to some few years back. Yet he was right, after a few thousand metres every day, I always feel 10 years older. Have you ever jogged and stopped and tried to stand but all you can do is act a stoop so low, hands on knees, wishing the roadside shrubs would make a walking stick?

While still on my faithful bend over, an Indian damsel, the right age to cause a disturbance, appears. She’s beautiful, judging from the chest already staring at me, but she must be those ugly ones inside when she says she’s doing a morning walk. Morning walk? Why get out of your confines to just enjoy your legs into a stupid project that causes such little displacement over unit time? I suggest to her that if she drinks water before every meal, before she sleeps, and every time she wakes up to go to the bathroom during her sleep, she’ll wake up enough times to walk to the bathroom and burn enough calories.

She dismisses that as hogwash and that’s why I loathe humans. Why can’t they simply follow my advice? Well, lucky they don’t. If they did, I’d throw my advice down a cliff.

“I walk five miles every morning.”

“You do? Well, since when?”

“It’s been two years now. Awesome, ain’t it?”

“Five miles, everyday, for two years? You must be pretty far away from home by now, yes?”

“Gosh, no! I walk 2 and half miles from home, then 2 and half miles back! I thought there’s something between your ears?”

*of course there’s something, it’s called music, but I’m not telling anyone. that’s my secret awesomeness*

“That’s zero miles! 2.5 minus 2.5? You better start walking those five miles a day! Liar!”

The goal is to coerce her into quitting this route because writer dog doesn’t like humans on his route, and a cutie seeing me stooping like a dying old geezer is not the worst thing in the world, it’s the end of the world! Of course she asks what I’m up to, bending mid-street, and i tell her “Bending is cool! Like the new I-Phone 6.”  That sends her away down the street. It always works!

joeSo you didn’t know the I-Phone six bends? Now you do! What of you replace your wrist-watch for one? #WhatDidIJustSay

Then after five minutes, she comes running back fast towards me. I look behind her. 2 big hounds! Haha. I sprint all the way back to my room. Morning jog accomplished! How’s your Friday?

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