Furthermore, eating too much cake can make you hairy. I guess due to the raisins. Bananas too. They somehow make your body-hair go bananas and scares them out of their follicles. I learned this from my barber; thanks to the circle of knowledge. … More Did you know: We can cook our health problems away?
Messing Up. It’s me here again fighting technology. Most of you make me sick. I’ve visited the internet to look for reasons for skipping the sprinkle (I showered yesterday after all) and all I bump into after a marathon on social media is your #ThrowBackThursdays melodrama. All these pictures devoted to making me feel that … More Previously on ‘adulting’
When you think about it, most of the good inventions and innovations come along to make sin a whole lot easier, fun and faster. Rat routes must have been evolved by people who wake up late and have to dash to work to lie to their bosses how they were stuck in traffic. Smokers too. Let me narrow the scopes down to ‘weed smokers’. The rest have nothing to hide. Funny though; we short cut users know each other by name; at least a false one. … More Rat-routes …
Is there a queue anywhere? Like at a soft drinks booth? Good! Join the queue. You don’t really have to buy anything. When you reach the end of the queue, just plonk to it’s tail and help elongate it. Sometimes just watching the world burn is what you need after all. I have a penchant for queuing and apologizing, especially when fueled by coffee from a hawker. I’m sorry. … More Sit in a park
Some times, you forget to turn off the tap. Then you go to bed. One such plumbing mistake in a bedsitter would find you waking up by the seaside. Life can be a total beach in a bedsitter. Black-outs in bedsit land? Misery too. … More Once upon a bedsitter …
I’ve just eavesdropped a dialogue from the kitchen between Kelly and a visitor who’s left green crocs at the doormat. I’m not making this up. Fashion sense. Why green, though? Because green is the color of money, grass, oak leaves, and alien bombs. How the hell would I know why it was green? Anyway, she’s sobbing uncontrollably. She’s told Kelly, amid her spasms, that she’d given her heart to someone. The whole of it. And as if I haven’t heard enough, this dude broke it.
What? Heart. So people do that? Yes. Organ donation. … More Organ donation … and broken hearts
Club 36 is a narrow oasis off the confines of UoN on-campus hostels devoted to the pursuit of lunch. Narrow because that’s always crowded, and oasis because that’s where food is. Makeshift food tents everywhere. It’s famous for chapatis. People who go to Club 36 are rabbits. The chapatis that people love to gobble up … More Club 36
A couple of weeks ago, I was seated next to Hilton Hotel’s Frustration Square gazing blankly at newspaper vendors. There’s life at that place. Ranging from teen boys in sagged pants walking like newborn calves to these shaved-eyebrow girlie wannabes who blow air kisses at each other. In the streets, people look normal. They look … More The art of amusing the patient
Lying helplessly a few yards from my estate’s gate in the path of car exhaust fumes and every other stuff that the crisp Nairobi air nurses is Tanu’s den. His base, as he commonly calls it, is simply a complicated relationship between iron-sheets, nails and wood. The three-some affair though houses many a tale to … More Barberic tales …
That’s why I’ll miss Otis. I’m sure his wifey never discovered our numerous escapades through breathalyzer checkpoints, completely unscathed by the law. Mark you, Otis was rarely home. I’ll long for the inebriated attempts to sing some golden country music such as “country road, take me home” that Otis did at the wheel; having arrived at the gate in one piece at 1 a.m. Most times he’d visit my quarters at the top-most floor the following day-break before wifey got up and leave me with the remnant oranges, lemons, gum and other chewables that were myriads attempts to drown the smell of alcohol that she loathed. “Mrs. Otis didn’t entertain edible paraphernalia in the house unless brought by her,” Otis often claimed. … More Tragedy at House No. 352